RealSmartica

Educate parents and young adults in practical money matters

Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter
  • Home
  • Contact
  • A Resource for Schools
  • Podcasts
  • College Planning
  • Financial Housekeeping
  • Money Lessons for Kids
  • Women and Money

An Unforgettable Journey

April 12, 2018 By admin 2 Comments

Dadphotos 006My Dad, 1991

We sat on the other side of the doctor’s desk.  My father was wedged between my mother and me, just in case he tried to make a break for it.

It turns out, I was the one who wanted to run.

The doctor started off in a light, conversational tone but my father, even in his confused state knew an interrogation was coming.  He looked to me, a weak nervous smile on his face, and I wanted to stop what was coming next. But we were there for answers – even if I didn’t really want to believe what those answers might be.

“How many children do you have?” The doctor asked.

My father broke into a wide smile; he knew the answer – lucky seven – like the back of his hand.  He even managed to name us all, which in his younger years would sometimes cause him trip over the names, as parents often do.

“Can you name their spouses?”

And with just the second question, everything began to unravel.  My father peered at me nervously, like a kid trying to cheat on a test; my hands started twisting.

I couldn’t run; I couldn’t help him and all that energy coiling in my gut started to knot my fingers. I blinked over and over, to stop any tears from building up.  To avoid eye contact with everyone in that room, I fished a pen out of my pocketbook and scribbled meaningless notes that I didn’t recognize as my own writing.  Occasionally, even blinking didn’t help; a fat tear would splatter the page, in spite of my best efforts.

He had overcome heart attacks and various brushes with cancer.  His mind, though, through all his life, was sharp; frighteningly so. He could spot a problem, mistruth or danger and stop it dead in its tracks.  Now his mind was just a trap door that kept opening and swallowing up precious memories.

“Technically, Alzheimer’s disease can only be diagnosed at autopsy,” the doctor said.

I didn’t need my father to die as proof of what was apparent; this disease was erasing bits of him in front of our eyes. I wondered how long his essence would last and how long we would grieve his loss before he actually did leave us for good.

Years after my father passed away, Tony and I stood in front of a group of family member/caregivers at an Alzheimer’s Association-sponsored seminar.  There were several presenters sharing their various areas of expertise – an elder care attorney, a visiting nurse, and a director of a facility for the memory-impaired.  Though we all had unique insights to give the attendees, the best perspectives we had to offer were that each and every one of us had had a front-row seat as the disease consumed a loved one.

We were there to talk about what my father’s illness taught us and what they needed to consider, such as:

  • How medical costs for someone with this disease would increase faster than inflation and the costs could last a long time – the average lifespan after diagnosis is eight to 10 years;
  • How to make sure assets were divided into short-term needs (five years of cash) with other assets invested to provide some future growth to tackle the rising costs of care;
  • Why a durable power of attorney was only useful if it was placed on every bank and investment account;
  • Why eliminating any high investment fees would make more money available for caregiving; and
  • Why locking the money up in complex investments and insurance policies could be a dangerous idea.

His illness led us to the most important work we have ever done.  Ultimately it resulted in a complete change in our respective career paths to financial advisors; it was the reason we were able to stand in front of that group and truly empathize.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention names Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias as the sixth leading cause of death in the U.S. (2014); the only major causes of death on the increase.  Of the 46 million Americans 65 years of age and older, an estimated 5.3 million suffer specifically from Alzheimer’s disease.  This is a far-reaching swipe that many will deal with directly (as a patient) or as a concerned family member.

Expect to hear more from me – and the financial services industry – about the challenges this presents and the importance of planning.

There was a time that I wished we didn’t understand this situation, but we do; we can’t un-walk that walk.

Now I see it for what it is — an unforgettable journey we were forced to take that just might help someone navigate that heartbreaking and treacherous terrain.

Filed Under: Blog, Financial Housekeeping

Comments

  1. Dennis McCarthy says

    April 12, 2018 at 7:05 am

    I have a friend, she is wrestling with the costs of care, her mother’s estate and how to make good decisions. I look forward to reading your thoughts on this complex matter.

  2. Peg says

    April 12, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    Thank you for this beautifully written piece.
    I leave a piece of my heart in each room of the Memory Care unit every day.
    My own dad suffered from Vascular Dementia; and as awful as it was to watch his capacity for having complete thoughts diminish, he suffered for nearly a year, which in comparison to 8-10 years is hardly a blink in time. It was awfully and my heart breaks for you and all the families I work with daily.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Dina Isola

Since 2002, Dina Isola has worked closely with investors, hearing their concerns. Drawing on her experiences and challenges, Real$martica was born, which focuses on making personal finance issues relatable to women, children and families and educating investors to make informed decisions. A contributor to A Teachable Moment, she is a client relations specialist at Ritholtz Wealth Management. She also serves on Stony Brook Children’s Hospital Task Force.

*Disclaimers

  • Disclaimers
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms & Conditions

Recent Articles

  • Mid-Year Pump
  • Break Free
  • Lazy Discipline
  • Mindful of Your Money
  • Stop Apologizing, Start Accepting
  • Reaching Your Financial Resolutions in 3 Easy Steps
  • When I Find Myself in Times of Trouble
  • Time to Think

In the news..

Mortgage Stories
Bankrate.com
Retirement Stories
Bankrate.com
Read current mortgage rates and home loan stories.
Read the latest retirement planning topics and trends.

RSS College Tuition News

  • West Virginia University at Parkersburg officials discuss tuition ... - Parkersburg News
  • Georgia budget may cut university funds, boost scholarships – WABE - WABE 90.1 FM
  • After a Lesson on Michelangelo's David, a Florida Principal Loses ... - Education Week

RSS Personal Budget News

  • US House Republicans readying debt ceiling 'term sheet' conditions - Reuters
  • Oregon budget framework prioritizes education, public safety - Statesman Journal
  • Mayor's Reduced D.C. Budget Difficult to Label - Georgetowner

© Copyright 2016 Real$martica · All Rights Reserved · Powered by WordPress ·