It was supposed to be a quiet and uneventful Christmas.  Our family had been through a rough couple of years with various family members having had serious health issues and we were still twitching from it all.  Just about the time we were getting for the year to change from old to new, the call came that my mother’s health had taken a bad turn  – and off to Florida I went with some of my siblings.

We’d been in a similar situation with my father years before so we were better prepared this time around.  Additionally, my mother’s cognitive state was 100% on point; my father had not been so lucky.  We huddled at the doctor’s office and though we were there to ask questions and weigh-in, she was clearly steering her ship.  There would be no dialysis, no extraneous care, and no admission to the hospital.  Lu Lu, as we affectionately called her, wasn’t having any of it.

Our mission was pretty clear.  As her children, we were to do as she told us.  Her thoughts and opinions were well-formed.  Everything she wanted – or didn’t want – made perfect sense.  Had she predeceased my father instead of the other way around, our family would have had a difficult task, as my father suffered from Alzheimer’s disease.  My mother was instrumental in guiding his care, advocating for him and keeping us apprised of his changing state.  She told us when he was resisting turning over his car keys and enlisted our help.

Facing these decisions is the focus of one planner’s work.  Carolyn McClanahan, physician financial planner and co-founder of Whealthcare Planning, integrates health care and wealth planning into her practice and is changing the way her clients face their golden years.  Recently I had the pleasure of speaking with her for On Her Mind podcast.

We spoke about how to prepare for medical costs in retirement and she has an interesting perspective.  Carolyn believes that the pressure of having a hard stop on working might not make sense in a time when we are living longer and future healthcare costs are a looming, unknown variable.  Instead, she advocates that working less but for more years might be better for our finances and our mental well-being.

Whealthcare Planning has tools to support investment professionals and individuals in making a financial caretaking plan.  Questions discussed include:

• Who will step in and pay bills, manage investments, and assist in healthcare decision-making?
• Have cognitive changes begun to take place?
• When are changes in lifestyle needed, such as stopping driving or moving to another home?

Carolyn contends that it is easier to implement an emergency strategy when it has been thought-through and planned out in advance.

Whether you need a plan yourself or are looking to ease into a conversation with older relatives, Carolyn’s perspective from both a medical and planning perspective is invaluable.

I wouldn’t call the last months of my mother’s life a fortunate situation, but it could have been worse.  If nothing else, my father’s long illness had forced my mother to get all the finances organized, specify her health-care wishes, and assign us specific roles years earlier.  Not everyone gets a “dress rehearsal” like we did.  There is no getting around that the tasks are unpleasant as a loved one’s life draws to an end, but knowing what needs to be done and who needs to do it offers a much-needed peace of mind.

 

Parents might focus on tuition and room and board prices and ignore another culprit that makes school more expensive: staying in college for longer than four years.

It’s a common problem, according to the National Center for Education Statistics.  Just 41% of full-time students attending college for the first time earn their bachelors’ degrees in four years.

Extra time at an institution is expensive.  For 2019-2020, the average costs for college tuition and fees are $10,116 (public, in-state); $22,577 (public, out-of-state); and $36,801 (private).

Parents can set expectations for their children, but having a game plan on how to achieve a four-year degree in four years (or less) is most useful.  This starts before college applications are underway:

Select the right major – The US Education Department’s National Center for Education Statistics found about one-third of students enrolled in bachelor’s programs change their major within the first three years of attendance.  Most teens aren’t sure what profession they want to pursue.  Even among those teens that have something in mind, the real world job experience might not match their expectations.  See what your high school district offers in terms of career counseling and internships.  In our district, students can job shadow or intern with businesses so they can gain exposure to job experiences.  This can help solidify – or change – career plans before one cent is paid on college tuition.

Lay the groundwork – Credits earned during the high school years at local community colleges and universities can reduce the time (and money) spent to earn a degree.  Again, getting exposure to different studies before a major is declared makes a student better informed about what major to pursue.  This, of course, has a domino effect because students are more apt to choose a school that fits their needs better (and accepts their credits), reducing the likelihood of transferring.  For college freshmen who are undecided about their studies, starting at a two-year community college that has a partnership with a university (i.e., the credits will transfer) is a cost-efficient way to go.

Meet the Requirements – Some colleges have extensive required courses.  If these courses are not offered every semester, or if they fill up quickly, upperclassmen may find themselves unable to graduate on time.  As early as freshmen year, students should look to get these courses out of the way.  Find out if taking these classes on-line or during a semester break at a local community college is an option and make sure to get approval with the institution before signing up.

Do Your Homework – Four-year graduation rates are often publicized by institutions, as they take great pride in that distinction.  U.S. News & World Report is a great resource.

The college selection process can be overwhelming.  Following these tips can help focus the college search and support graduating on-time with less drag on your finances.

 

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

Crises of any kind usually require all of our attention at once. After the immediate emergency or threat passes and the brain stops pinging, reflection is possible; such was the case for me in the months following September 11, 2001. It had taken a while for the shock to wear off, but when it did, my perspective was irreparably altered and my sense of urgency was acute – for a time, anyway.

On that fateful day, the World Trade Center was quite a distance from my midtown office.  I (along with the rest of the world) fixated on the lives that were being destroyed. Having worked in 2 World Trade for several miserable years of my career,  I knew people down there, including a former colleague.

He worked on the 69th floor of Tower 2.  He played Lotto faithfully, hoping to free himself of a job and a life that took more from him than it replenished.   (In fact, we had had a Lotto subscription as a department, mentioned in The Misery Index).

The thought that innocent people were murdered for the simple act of going to work was horrible enough; knowing that, for some, they died going to jobs that they had despised made it even more tragic.

Fortunately, my friend gathered his staff and acted quickly.  While walking down the stairs from floor 44, the second plane hit.  Had they remained on the higher floor, this story might have a different ending.

That day crystalized something we already know: No day is guaranteed.  And while being the victim of a terror attack may have never crossed our minds before 9-11, we have been forced to add that to a long list of things that can change our world in an eye blink.

That tragedy kicked my ass into high gear.  I didn’t want the life I was living.  It wasn’t a terrible existence, mind you, but it was hectic and kept me postponing experiences I craved, such as spending more time with my father who was slipping into the thick of Alzheimer’s disease, and becoming a mother.

At Christmas, we gathered my entire family (over 30 people) for a family celebration.  My parents spent two weeks with us.  By July, we were expecting twins – and there were many complications with the pregnancy that kept reminding me how precious life could be – not that I needed reminding.  I wanted my life filled with the connection and meaning that can sometimes fall into the background when you’re in a constant scramble.

But that’s not to say that the wisdom remained omnipresent in my mind.  We fall into routines and often start moving to a new beat that can easily take over, and I was no less susceptible.  Tony and I started our own firm, and it became a third child – perhaps even more demanding in some ways.  Every quarter-end, tax season, and year-end generated administrative, reconciliation and billing duties that filled me with dread.  Owning our own business was a source of pride, but it kept the lines between personal time and business time incredibly blurred.  In a two-person firm – when the two people are married – it makes truly unplugging on vacation impossible.  One of my deepest wishes, to visit my family in Italy and have my children meet these incredible people, kept being pushed back year after year.

It was five years ago this month that we had a conversation with Josh Brown, Barry Ritholtz and Kris Venne; and when we decided to join them, it made it possible to plan this trip.  And yet, it took almost five years before I made it happen.

A lot could have happened in those five years that would have prevented my dream from being realized; namely, no day is guaranteed.  I had forgotten that, somehow, in the thick of being busy.

We made it to Italy this summer, and my cousins chastised me for waiting 21 years to return.  As we sat in the valley between magnificent mountain ranges I sighed and said, “If I died right now, it would be okay.”

They all laughed and thought I was being funny.  Obviously, I’m not looking forward to my death, but this one burning wish was finally being realized and it made me feel sated in a way I couldn’t adequately express.

As if life had to knock me over the head, just to make sure I received the message, we returned home to one client nearing the end of an illness I was convinced she would beat.  She was a little younger than me with two sons, like me – and there she was at the end of life already.  It didn’t seem possible, and it certainly wasn’t fair.  Other clients of ours lost their adult daughter unexpectedly while we were away.  She had so much more road ahead of her; it didn’t seem possible that it had ended for her before it really began.  But, then again, heartbreak is never fair.

When I sit down with clients who have finally attained retirement age –there is usually hesitation, anxiety about not having a paycheck, about winding down; it is uncomfortable to realize that the meter is running faster and faster.  Denying it or depriving yourself of the experiences you have always dreamed of doesn’t keep the inevitable at bay.  And, importantly, crossing things off the bucket list isn’t a jinx.  It doesn’t fast-track kicking the bucket.

If there is one thing I can tell clients with certainty it’s that they will never regret having those experiences, but they may deeply regret falling ill suddenly while waiting for the “perfect time” to live it.

Planning is important, but if you don’t actually execute on your plan, life will see to it one way or another – with or without you.   Don’t let a crisis be your defining moment.